Last Monday I discussed the importance of recognizing your individual beauty. If you missed it check it out here, Today’s message is about getting out of your own way.
People ask me frequently,” How long did it take you to write your book?” To be quite honest it didn’t take me long to write it at all; at tops maybe a month. I’ve always loved to write and I’ve always been a determined person.
“I see it, I work hard I grind till I own it.”-Beyonce
Even though it didn’t take me long to write the book, I sat on it for two years. Believe it or not, I completed 26 & Selfish back in 2014. Back then I was 24 and approaching my twenty-fifth birthday. The book was then called 25 & Selfish. After writing the book I put it on the back burner. This story sat on my computer with dust on it until 2016. The name changed to 26 and Selfish and I pushed it out literally 2 weeks from my 27th birthday because I wasn’t going to change the title again.
One reason I put the book on the back burner is I allowed life to distract me. Once I finished I put my focus on my first teaching job, enrolling in graduate school, a new relationship, etc. I allowed other things to distract me from my true goal. The other reason I allowed the book to sit idly for so long was that I was terrified to publish it.Most people might have been worried about books sales, whereas I was scared to expose the skeletons that had piled up inside my closet.
If I could compare myself to anyone to help you understand how I felt about publishing my book it would be Ryan from the movie Girls Trip.
Ryan is a beautiful intelligent woman that appears strong and successful to everyone. She appears to have it all. However, behind closed doors, Ryan is settling for less and isn’t living the life she truly desires. We learn that Ryan is married to a no good, trifling ass man. How embarrassing is it to admit that not only did your man cheat, but you stayed for all the wrong reasons, money being the main motive.
I was Ryan! I was used to putting on my smile, polished outfit, and bat my eyelashes as if everything was okay, but it wasn’t. It’s tiring always trying to pretend to be happy; waiting to get home until I burst into tears. I was tired of putting on an act and living a lie. If I would have continued to worry about what others would think about me or allowed shame to take the wheel I would still be living a lie. I had to learn to get out of my way.
As I revisited the idea of publishing my book I began reflecting on my initial intentions. My true goal for writing this story was to heal. Heal from the lies, hurt, abuse, and failures. I wanted to tell the truth. I was ready to free myself. It was time to own who I was, as well as acknowledge the woman I was becoming. Yes, I am still a smart, beautiful, young woman, but I’m also imperfect. I knew I had to get out of my own head and have some courage. If my story could help someone leave a toxic situation, or realize you don’t have to live a picture perfect life I would conquered what I initially set out to do.
No more Ms. Perfect. Now I pride myself on being transparent; discussing the good, bad, and the ugly aspects of my life.I love who I am now more than I ever did. If you don’t take away anything from this post today remember no matter what your truth is own it. Don’t worry about someone judging you because I’m sure their grass ain’t always green.
Thanks for reading. Stay Selfish.